Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
