it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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