NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
