Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
