i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
