Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
