I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
