they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
