I just pynch a tree in the face
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
