3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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