You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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