Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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