the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
