Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
