she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
