I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
