i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
