Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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