Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
try to milk me bitch
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
