u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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