There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
