I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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