You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
