walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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