youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
