He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
