Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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