Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
