I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
