i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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