there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
