I didn't shave. On purpose
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
