well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
