I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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