i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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