I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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