I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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