My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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