it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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