Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
