I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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