the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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