I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
