my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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