I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
