Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
