So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
