I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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