Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
