What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
