Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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