She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize