So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
