He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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