im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
