The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hippo gnu deer
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
