you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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