Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
