so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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