Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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