This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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