This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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