You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Randomize
