I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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