P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
