Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We have started to decorate penises.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
