I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
