I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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