I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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