Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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