Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
