Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
