that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
