dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
