I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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