Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
