I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
