After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
